What Are We Pursuing?
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What are we pursuing and is this something that we actually can pursue?
The first step in pursuing Grace is to realize what we’re missing – because in this life we are all missing something, aren’t we? You can feel it down to your core; there is something more for your life but you can’t quite put your finger on it. There’s a pulling at your heart and your spirit that never lets up, like a constant knocking at the door waiting for us to open up. It may be compared to a void in our hearts that radiates a desire to be found and loved unconditionally. Life comes along with its ruthless intentions, trying to strip us down to our core and trample all over us and into the cold, unforgiving mud of the deepest valley. And it’s sad that people can basically hold the door open for the thief to come in and take everything. We are the ones responsible for our own misery and disaster of our so-called-happy-little-lives. How can we ever expect to be happy when we invite that person, looking only to destroy us, into our home for coffee? We know that this person only means us harm but we allow them in and act like they’re our best friend. That person can be anything. The stranger can be like a personified emotion, like guilt and fear, or it can literally be a person abusing us in a way that leaves us desolate on the inside. Some of us have opened our hearts hoping for acceptance or to feel loved and instead all we receive is a punch in the heart while it’s exposed. And some, although they know in their most hidden parts of their heart, just want to be accepted, and any attention – good or bad – is good enough for them and gives them meaning to their sad, broken lives.
So, the problem is simple. We are weak individuals. And I do not mean physically. I mean emotionally and spiritually. I think if people had only their emotions and spiritual sides of them and nothing else to live on, they’d be in serious trouble and would most likely be starving to death. They’d be gasping for air that had become stagnant and starving for food that never satisfied their hunger. We would be so lost without the things we use every day if they were taken away from us. The things in this life will fade away one day and what will we have? Nothing. We will have our spirit and nothing physical of this world will no longer matter to us. The air will no longer be a necessity. We will no longer need to cook and drink to stay alive or stay active for our bodies to function properly. There will be one thing alone that will keep our life intact and that’s God.
It drives me crazy when people tilt their head in either confusion or frustration because they just can’t seem to grasp the concept of a life that was never meant to be lived solely on our own strength. We are not strong enough, smart enough, clever enough or spiritually competent enough to survive on our own. In our flesh we are meant to fail and there are no arguments there. We cannot and will not succeed in this life (without significance or divine purpose) by the strength our own will.
I know that throughout my entire life there was something there, guiding me through, loving me and showing me grace. I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember. I think I may have been 8 when I met God. Since then, I have had my share of experiences with the wrecking ball called life.
I grew up in the church. It was my family and I was excited for the things that were going on around me. It was exciting times because I was a teenager and I was growing mature (I had hoped at least) and I was forming solid relationships with people who were strong leaders in the church. It only took one thing to bring it all down. I won’t go into details because those aren’t important. The important thing is that I lost myself in my own fleshly desires. I suddenly lost everything that I had learned over all those years growing up in the church – filling my spirit with strength and my mind with clarity of what was right. It really didn’t take much at all. If you know me you know what I am talking about. I was weak because I told myself I needed God, but I don’t think I seriously understood the fact that my strength wasn’t enough. I went into a situation that I thought I had control of.
I went further and further into a pit and I didn’t even realize it. I was lost in my own way, told God I had it under control and now I can imagine how he saw me. Tears rolled down his cheek because I had no idea what I was doing. I believe he cries over us and his heart breaks for us because sometimes we are just so dumb and don’t get it. That was a time that I did not get it. I could imagine him wanting to grab me by the shirt and shake me and say, “what are you doing? I have something so much better for you!” I ignored his subtle voice that said no and went on with my own self destruction. I never progressed; I never got stronger from that point. I only slid backwards. The already useless, lacking strength I had within me dwindled down to nothing and there was absolutely nothing I could have done to save myself. I was never meant to save myself or save anyone. That has already been taken care of! We have to realize in our hearts what has been done for us.
It took years of self-destruction, failing relationships and a failed marriage for God to get my attention. I had turned my back on God telling him I could do this on my own, but he, and his infinite and perfect love, brought me back. He loved me enough to chase after me. He had me in mind, all of us actually, to give us life and purpose before he placed the stars in the sky. So why pursue Grace? Because he first pursued a life with us. His intention was to live forever with us and show just how much he loves us; because he didn’t have to do anything. He has it all, all the glory, all the honor and all the praise. He doesn’t need us but he did want to show us something phenomenal. And one day, that glorious moment will come. One way or another, forever will come for us, swallow us up, and we will see exactly what all of this has been leading up to. The greatest legacy returning, the greatest mystery revealed, the most fulfilling event to occur, the most epic finale televised and the most jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring event to ever hit this place. And we will fall to our knees because we will know and see who the king is and who deserves all the glory and honor and praise.
-Jeff Gilkerson